Second Corinthians Five-Seventeen

Ha ha! A New Home!

2006-08-17T07:18:00.000-07:00

I finally figured this website thing out. Visit me at my new, permanent home:

WWW.NEOPURITAN.COM

The new blog will include theological writings, but also a fair bit more personal things. I don't know how the user side of the blog will work, so please let me know if you have any problems or questions. : )

Living the Life of Esau

2006-04-04T14:41:00.000-07:00

"See... that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau, who sold his birthright for a single meal. For you know that afterward, when he desired to inherit the blessing, he was rejected, for he found no chance to repent, though he sought it with tears." (Heb. 12:16-17)

How often I feel like Esau. Surely my heart is hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. My grief is too often not in sin, but in the realization that I cannot grieve! Tears come only when I consider the fact that I cannot cry. I have become like Esau, who would not repent of his wickedness, but instead repented of his lack of repentance with tears! And here stand I, tearless, heartless, loveless, emotionless. My eyes are dry and my repentance seems a mere form of words and the compounding of empty phrases torn from the pages of scripture and of the books of theology I read -- lacking power, lacking depth, lacking heart, lacking tears, I pile one upon another as if by my multitude of words I shall be heard. What good is done if I grieve my lack of grief? If I weep because I cannot weep? What good are these outward manifestations of repentance if I do not truly repent of sin?! What good are all the sweet-sounding words and pious pleas taken from the Psalms if I do not turn from my sin? Will God honor the prayers of one whose heart already conspires to sin against Him? Esau could not discover repentance despite his tears, despite his remorse. His heart had been hardened by sin. The water of his tears was not the water of repentance which comes forth in abundance when God smites the rocky heart of the impenitent, but the water of suffering which comes from selfishness and a loss of reward. They are the tears of those who have been consigned to the Pit. Surely they weep, for Christ has said that in that place "there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth." But they do not weep in humble penitence, but from a heart filled yet with selfish enmity. They weep for the loss of what they though was due them. How I tremble for them. How I tremble still more for those who still live in the flesh, but not to God! How I tremble more still for my own hard-heartedness, my own lack of penitence, my own lack of love for God and willingness to take up the cross and follow after Him. Shall I know first-hand why the Hell-bound weep? Shall I shed tears of selfishness and gnash my teeth in anger for all eternity? O gracious Lord, save me from such an end! Break this heart of stone! Make water to pour forth! Holy Spirit, I have grieved you many a time. But do not forsake me. Come and purify me. Conform me to the image of Christ. I linger in the valley of humility, I wait upon You, O Lord, to come and guide me in the narrow way. Grant me repentance. Let the waters of life begin in my heart and flow out from my eyes that they may become a mighy river, even as You have promised to all who believe in You!

Refocusing, Renaming, Recreating

2006-03-28T16:51:00.000-08:00

What's the purpose of a blog? Some folks use them like a journal -- personal information for friends and family to keep up with their lives. Others use them polemically (I'm thinking of the PyroManiacs here) and post profound articles on various issues. I've wanted to do both. But I've learned quickly that amateur theology and personal reflection do not a good blog make. Augustine's Confessions and Spurgeon's Autobiography have lasting value because of the maturity and usefulness of those men. But me? I'm nobody. And nobody who is anybody wants to read the ramblings of a nobody. So I'm dividing the two. This blog will be more personal from now on. And my new blog will be more instructional / theological. The URL is http://gospeladvocate.blogspot.com and I've created a new blogger profile so I can invite folks from my own non-Reformed heritage to interact with me without causing unnecessary arguments over what "Calvinists" supposedly believe. It may flop completely and turn the link above into a "dead link" in a matter of weeks. Or it may have some involvement and become a potentially useful ministry for my friends and family. But either way, I'll be focusing my attention there for a little while.

-Moozuba

John Owen Just Cut Me Open

2006-03-08T18:07:00.000-08:00

Hey, that rhymes. Anyway... I was manning the office alone today and was told to bring a book. So I brought the one I just got a couple days ago, John Owen's The Mortification of Sin (the Puritan Paperback abridgment). I'm stunned. Really. The first book by Owen that I read was Sin & Temptation, another abridgment / modernization of a part of Owen's Works. I benefitted from the book, but was left with only 5 pages or so of instructions / exhortations concerning the actual practice of mortification. I was afraid that the Puritan Paperback abridgment was more-or-less a reprint of this non-Banner of Truth volume. I later tried to read The Death of Death in the Death of Christ (admittedly one of the best book titles ever). But quite honestly (and all you Calvinists out there, don't hate me for this, okay?) I couldn't stay awake to read more than a few pages in a sitting. Talk about dense. I loved what I got through, but I ended up shelving the book after just 25 pages. So when I picked up The Mortification of Sin on recommendation from a well-meaning brother over at PyroManiacs, I honestly wasn't expecting too much. The fact that it was modernized and abridged made me think I could actually read through it, but I was still nervous about the density of the subject matter. What I read today floored me. It's very rare that a book blindsides me like this. I usually have a pretty good idea what I'm getting myself into when I pick up a new volume. But I have to say, this little 130 page paperback is one of the most powerful, most insightful, most heart-rending works I've ever read!

Chapter 13, "Wait for the Verdict of God" cut to the deepest part of me. It's clear that Owen was wielding the sword of the Spirit aright in these pages. I can't quote everything in that highly-revealing chapter, but here's a little glimpse. Owen's thesis in this section is that mortification is not accomplished when men "speak peace" (extend mercy) to themselves before God does so.

Men also speak peace to themselves when they reason from the gracious promises of God and claim them in a purely rational and natural way. They are no truly repenting as they seek peace for their souls.

Take a man who has a wound caused by his sin and is troubled in his conscience. He has not walked up rightly according to the gospel, and things are not right between God and his soul. He now considers what is to be done. He knows what path he must take, and how he has been healed in the past. He must consider the promises of God. These promises must be applied to heal his sores and his troubled heart.

He comes to them, searches them out, and finds one or more of them whose literal expressions are directly suited to his condition. He says to himself, 'God speaks in this promise to me; I will draw from it a bandage sufficient to cover this wound.' He thus brings the Word to his condition and sets himself down in peace.

The Lord is near, but is not in this wind! The work of the Spirit is not present. The Spirit alone can convince us of sin, righteousness and judgment. This is the work of the intelligent, rational soul, not of the Spirit.

And comments later in answer to objections raised against the above,

Such a course, though it may quiet the conscience, the mind, and the reasonings of the soul, does not sweeten the heart with rest and gracious contentment.... When God speaks, there is not only truth in His words, there is healing. He not only addresses the convictions of our heart and our guilt, He brings that which is sweet, good, and desirable to our will and affections. By these blessings He returns our soul to rest.

I mean, talk about feeling like an ameoba under the microscope! Not all of Owen's insights applied to me directly, but so much of it did -- and in so simple a manner -- that I feel foolish for not having discerned these things myself. But I do see that I have been speaking peace to myself when God has not. I have not waited on the Lord to show mercy, but have appropriated mercy haphazardly and unfulfillingly from the promises of the gospel. I have taken refuge in the promises but have been without the Spirit's comforts. It'll take me a bit of reflection to let the contents of this book sink in, but I hope that I have not read in vain. I will go to God, my strength and my refuge and by His grace will put to death the deeds of the body.

Here's a final example of Owen's profound devotional style. The following prayer is from p. 118-119. I especially like the line "I will lift up my hands that hang down."

I am a poor, weak creature; unstable as water, and I cannot excel. This corruption is too hard for me, and is the doorway to the ruin of my soul. I do not know what to do.

My soul has become parched ground, and a habitation of dragons. I have made promises and broken them. I have made vows, but I did not keep them. Many times I have been persuaded that I have gained the victory, and that I should be delivered, but I was decieved. Now I plainly see that without some great help and assistance, I will perish and be forced to abandon God.

But yet, though this is my state and condition, I will lift up my hands that hang down, and strengthen my feeble knees, for, behold, the Lord Jesus Christ has all the fullness of grace in His heart, and all the fullness of power in His hand. He is able to slay all of these enemies. There is sufficient provision in Him for my relief and assistance. He can take my drooping, dying soul and make me more than a conqueror!

'Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel, "My way is hidden from the LORD, and my right is disregarded by my God"? Have you not known? Have you not heart? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and grow weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.'

He can make the dry, parched ground of my soul to become a pool, and my thirsty, barren heart as springs of water. Yes, He can make this habitation of dragons, this heart, which is so full of abominable lusts and fiery temptations, to be a place of bounty and fruitfulness unto Himself!

Next on my reading list? I'm thinking The Glory of Christ. Or perhaps I'll give another chance to The Death of Death.

Political Commentary - Abortion

2006-03-06T18:19:00.000-08:00

I'm not much for politics or commenting on political things. But given the South Dakota bill that was signed into law today, I have a few words to say. Finally!! I'm honestly shocked that the majority of the State House of Representatives and the Governor of any given US state could manage to coordinate well enough to pull something like this off. Major kudos to Governor Mike Rounds for having 1) the guts and 2) the moral fiber to sign that bill. Our mayor wouldn't even lift a finger to allow other people to fight the ACLU when they demanded that the city remove the 10 Commandments monument in front of the courthouse. And here a whole state government (well, at least the majority of the important people in it) have worked together to take that first step toward overturning America's worst-court-decision-ever. What's at stake in this isn't just the morality of our nation. It's not a matter of Republicans vs. Democrats or even Christians vs. Popular Culture -- this is a matter of stopping the government-sanctioned murder of unborn children on a massive scale. There's a member of my congregation who supports pro-abortion laws because his daughter was raped and through that experience he came to believe that abortion is acceptable in some cases. But despite the horror that some women go through, one wrong cannot be righted by another wrong. Rape cannot be amended by murder. And the vast majority of abortions that take place in the US have nothing to do with these "extreme circumstance" cases that are played up so strongly in the pro-abortion arguments. Most abortions are murder-for-convenience-sake. I know full well that political action cannot save this world. It cannot rescue a single person from the pit of Hell -- only Christ can save from sin. But I cannot help but delight to see that there are still some people in places of power in this nation who are concerned about our country's near-wholesale slip into gross immorality. All I can say is that I hope they win. I hope Roe vs. Wade goes down in the history books as what it is -- the government-sanctioned, candy-coated, American holocaust -- the biggest judicial mistake in the history of our nation.

The story - South Dakota Abortion Ban

I intended this to be a short post, but I was so excited about the news today. What I meant to say was this: I got a temp job working for an insurance agency. I'm tired. I'm bone-tired. And I doubt I'll be much up to the old blogging thing this week. I tried to catch up on PyroManiacs tonight and didn't make it very far (which is disappointing, because there are so many good on-going discussions there) due to the fact that my eyes kept going blurry and I kept dozing off. I don't know how long the temp job will last. Probably another couple of weeks. I'm supposed to be in the office alone Wednesday through Friday and if I finish up the work Wade leaves me to do then I might catch up on some of my blog reading. I don't know though, would PyroManiacs be considered "work appropriate"? I should probably just ask outright and then I won't have to wonder and/or feel guilty. It's more likely that I'll have to spend that time continuing my sermon preparation, however. I do enjoy blogging (and reading other people's blogs) an awful lot, but it sure is a lot of work! And terribly confusing at times as well. Maybe I'm not cut out for this sort of thing.

Yawn. I'm exhausted. More on spiritual topics next time.

The Long & Winding Road -- What's a Preacher To Do?

2006-02-28T10:16:00.000-08:00

I'm at a crossroads and I don't know which way to turn. I trust God to lead me in the right way, but I also believe in making informed and well-thought-out decisions. I am concerned about my spiritual life, my wife's spiritual life, the future of my ministry (if there will be one), the desire to raise children, and the desire to be out of debt.

I've been the minister at a wholly Arminian church (Christian Church / Church of Christ) for just over 2 years now. The church is over an hour from where I live and the wages I recieve are insufficient to support a household. Outward doctrinal conflicts have been few because I've kept my nose more-or-less out of the pet doctrines held by this congregation. I often feel like a well run dry. I strive to set before my congregation Christ crucified and the gospel of salvation by the grace of God in Christ alone. But I more often feel frustrated and discouraged -- drained of all zeal and hope of seeing any real change -- by the time I get back home each Sunday. To worsen the matter, my wife (who has yet to be born again) has stopped coming with me to the services at this church out of frustration and is now neither reading the Word or hearing it preached. We both want to start a family, but she's unwilling to try in earnest to have a child until we are more financially secure (our first child ended in a miscarriage -- the fear of which has delayed this consideration until now). She has an over-abundance of medical problems for a woman her age and we expect a difficult pregnancy. We cannot, therefore, rely upon her job as a source of income. So I am left with only a few options, all of which have serious draw-backs. This is my attempt to put these options into writing so that I might more objectively weigh each scenario.

Options Considered
1. Quit my preaching position at the Chrisitan Church, take a full-time secular job and attend Mount of Olives Baptist Church with my wife as a member only.
2. Option #1 and also pursue future ordination in the Baptist General Conference.
3. Find a steady part-time secular position to supplement my income from the Christian Church and continue with my preaching position there until they throw me out.
4. Try to gain admittance to The Master's Seminary, pull up roots and move to California to study for the ministry under teachers whose doctrinal convictions I share while holding down a part-time job to held defer the costs of my schooling.
5. Do nothing.

Pros & Cons
1. Pro: Can attend church with my wife again, she gets exposure to the gospel, sit under biblical preaching, become involved with an active and encouraging congregation, allows time and means to start a family. Con: No opportunity to preach, little opportunity to continue my studies, no solid assurance that Leah will continue to attend with me long-term, no assurance of being able to have a child.
2. Pro: Same as #1 plus a vague intent to return to ministry at some future point. Con: Same as #1 plus the potential disappointment of rejection by the BGC.
3. Pro: Able to continue preaching, allows time and means to start a family. Con: Leah will not attend, she will not be exposed to the gospel, I will continue to feel drained and depressed, no opportunity to transfer my ordination to a group I am more theologically aligned with.
4. Pro: Provides a clear plan for the future, able to sit under strong teaching, continue my studies under compulsion with enough time to do so adequately, offers near certainty of acceptance with Baptist denomination. Con: Removes us from family and friends, financial obligations would be overwhelming, both Leah and I would be required to find new jobs that suited our schedules and would meet our bills, allows no time (and definitely no means) to start a family, overall questionable whether I should be pursuing ministry with an unconverted (though supportive) wife.
5. Pro: No change = no risk. Con: Continue in discouragement in ministry and relational-tension with Leah. No change = no improvement.

So if anyone else reads this. Based on the information given here -- What would you do? And why? My choice would be #4 because I know the value of the education I would recieve and I like the definiteness of the outcome with regard to my ministry. But taking Leah into consideration I am more inclined to actually pursue #1 or #2.

A Letter on an Unconverted Ministry

2006-02-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

The following is a copy of a letter sent to a former University professor of mine* addressing my concerns about unconverted men entering the ministry. I ran across a copy of the letter today and was stirred again by those same concerns that prompted its writing.

Dear Dr. [omitted],

Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, the precious Lamb of God. (How wonderful it is to write these words in truth and not merely in pretence and for show!) You may remember me. My name is [omitted]. I was a student at Harding from 1999 to 2003 and you were my professor for three classes: New Testament Introduction, The Gospel of John (Greek), and Christian Ministry. I wrote to you some 2 years ago now thanking you for steering me in the right direction with regard to my ministry and especially concerning my personal relationship with God. You may not remember me after all this time (I was not an extraordinary student and was rather shy) but in your response to my first correspondence 2 years ago you said I could write any time... so I am.

I'm writing with two purposes: to update you on my spiritual growth and to address a subject which has been laid more and more heavily (and clearly) upon my heart and mind as I've grown in both knowledge and wisdom. I am increasingly convinced that the a very great number of those who fill the pulpits of our churches and study to enter the ministry have no true experiential faith in Jesus Christ. By this I mean, to be blunt, that they are unconverted, unsaved and self-deceived. But on a practical level I mean that they have not been challenged with regard to their decision to enter the ministry and that the "faith" they profess is no more and no less than assent to a set of historical or doctrinal facts about which they have no heart-conviction and experimental knowledge. Certainly you could write me off as someone who's been reading too many glossy-covered pseudo-Christian books (I haven't), but I hope you will hear me out concerning this. It is something that comes not only from my understanding of God's word, but also from my own experience and therefore from the very depths of my heart.

I made the decision to become a minister through a weighing out of the pros and cons as well as by the impressions of my heart. It was not arbitrary. My father is a minister and I have always sought to be a faithful Christian. If anything can be said of my younger years, I was eminently religious. When you challenged us in the first days of Christian Ministry, saying "If you can do anything else except be a minister, do that thing instead," I took it very seriously and upon a close self-examination I determined that I could not be happy doing any other work than that of a preacher. I thought myself a very proper and sound Christian person and honestly felt that no one could be better suited to the ministry than me. But I was deceived. Having no experience of the grace of God, nor any abiding faith, upon entering into my ministerial training I was quickly led astray by a heretic among the ranks of the university--a waterless spring who cleverly taught foul doctrines and perverted the scripture at every turn. After 3 years I was left with the torn and shredded tatters of a useless Bible and a feeling of pride and arrogance that Satan himself would find it difficult to rival. And neither was I the only student left in this estate. Though many were led astray by many other means, this man was the chief source of deception among those studying for the work of ministry. I was confirmed in my pride and the superiority of my non-God and my non-Bible and my all-but-absent-Christ by my peers who were likewise deceived. Your words spoken in the first weeks of the Christian Ministry course with regard to spiritual warfare (specifically when you quoted Ephesians 6:11-12, which spoke of Satan as if he were a real being) proved the beginning of the unravelling of this terrible web of lies and so-called wisdom. It has taken 2 years of intense study, prayer and self-examination to rid my heart and mind of the last bastions of the terrible heresies that I was led into during my time at Harding. I believe that at this point the whole of the foul system of doctrine taught by this wolf in sheep's clothing has been undone within me, but the harm has been inconceivable. But the point of what I want to illustrate is not that some teach falsely, but that I was unprepared for entering into the ministry--not merely because my doctrines had been corrupted, but because I knew nothing of Jesus Christ and Him crucified! I fell victim to false teaching because I had not myself been converted. And yet no one questioned the reality of my faith or the soundness of my doctrine. After graduation I entered into a period of extreme uncertainty and fear with regard to my life before God. I sought, often many hours on my face in prayer, to reconcile to Him through confession of sin, severity to my body, and pleading vainly (and repetitively) for some supernatural blessing to suddenly fall upon me as it did on the day of Pentecost in Acts 2. I sought salvation, but found it not. And yet it was during this period that I first began to preach. I was confident that I would be able to enlighten those to whom I spoke, but I found that I served more to confuse and frustrate--both them and myself--than to illuminate and convert. I was teaching a mixture of "Holiness doctrine" (a precursor to the Pentecostals, though I didn't know that at the time) and liberalism (the remnants of the false teaching I fell victim to at Harding). It would not be until 5 months after the start of my official ministry that I myself would come to faith in Christ! And yet what a wonderful change has taken place since that time! How different, how precious, the doctrines of scripture and the person of Jesus Christ now appear to me. How glorious they have all become, even to the point of elation! That I, even I, could become a child of God. And yet those I meet do not tell the same story. They speak of Christ instead with a dryness and a lack of familiarity that once I would have found admirable, but now I find detestable.

How many there are whom I have met whose Christianity is nothing more than a set of facts! A religion that could be easily organized into a spreadsheet or systematized in a book! Have we fallen this far, that we who began with the noble goal of calling out all who are truly faithful and obedient lovers of Jesus Christ, have now come to the point where we place men in the pulpit whom God rightly describes as those who "profess to know God, but deny Him by their works. They are detestable, disobedient, unfit for any good work" (Titus 1:16)? I do not say that all our ministers are in this state--by no means. But I do say that TOO MANY of them are and that we have done far too little to prevent it. The sheep are being shepherded by the wolf and taught by the Devil. There is great fear within my heart and increasing sorrow as I speak to more and more "preachers" and "ministers" and "evangelists" who claim the name of Christ and yet speak of Him so dryly and dispute doctrines pertaining to salvation with no show of emotion except a hot head when someone disagrees with them. Many, it would seem, are concerned only to have a man who teaches the doctrine of the church. I say that doctrine apart from love for Christ is dead just as much as faith without works is dead. How will we persuade men if we ourselves are not persuaded? And yet this is the state of many. I wish it were not so. Yet it was even my state at the time of my graduation--severed from Christ and without hope in the world. I ought not to have been allowed to preach, and yet the gift of discernment is so much neglected in our day that my ministry was received with gladness in a place where previously only laymen taught. Yet I would rather see godly laymen, ignorant lovers of Jesus Christ, teaching and preaching than godless preachers who declare blasphemies from the pulpits of our churches both through their doctrines and through their lives. May God see fit to bless us with a restoration of true, heart-felt Christianity in the days to come.

I write to you because I know you to be a true servant of Jesus Christ and a man who has evidently known this experiential knowledge, this heart-faith in Jesus Christ, that I set forth so urgently. I write to you because you are the man of God who once helped me, and I hope that you will be able to help others. Urge your students to examine themselves as to the state of their souls. Exhortation to spiritual duties is all good and well in its proper place, but the first great duty of every man is to believe savingly on the Lord Jesus Christ. And until that has been done--until the soul has come into a real, vital, experiential knowledge of the love of Christ and the grace of God--then no amount of prayer nor baptisms without end will avail anything. And this is especially critical as regards those who will fill our pulpits in the generation which is now being raised up. How can a man teach that which he himself does not know? How much less can he PREACH what he has not known? I was sent out as a blind man to lead the blind. All thanks and glory to my gracious Lord that He saw fit to snatch me from the fire and to reveal His grace to me so that I might not run this race in vain! And yet how my heart agonizes over those who were likewise deceived--who may not have been touched by providence in the same gracious manner as I have been. Who will warn them? Who will challenge them? Who will tell them that "unless a man is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God?" I make no claim that this will solve the problem of an unconverted ministry--some will hear and harden their hearts against their need and still assume a ministerial role--but I trust it can do no harm to the souls of any.

I close with a very worthy exhortation from Charles Spurgeon's "Lectures to my Students," which I read with confusion near the beginning of my ministry and now find to be very much in accord with my own sentiments:

"That a teacher of the gospel should first be a partaker of it is a simple truth, but at the same time a rule of the most weighty importance. We are not among those who accept the apostolical succession of young men simply because they assume it; if their college experience has been rather vivacious than spiritual, if their honors have been connected rather with athletic exercises than with labors for Christ, we demand evidence of another kind than they are able to present to us. No amount of fees paid to learned doctors, and no amount of classes received in return, appear to us to be evidences of a call from above. True and genuine piety is necessary as the first indispensable requisite; whatever 'call' a man may pretend to have, if he has not been called to holiness, he certainly has not been called to the ministry."

The peace of God go with you, man of God.
In Christ alone,
[omitted]

* - The school I attended is very strongly Arminian and holds also to baptismal regeneration. I recall little if any talk of the "new birth" or any salvation experience outside of the acts of decision-making and "baptism for the forgiveness of sins" during my 4 years there.

Musings on John MacArthur

2006-02-22T09:46:00.000-08:00

I finished reading John MacArthur's commentary on Galatians this morning. It's one of his earliest commentaries, and as such there are a few places where his understanding has noticably matured. This is particularly true with regard to the 'Incarnational Sonship' doctrine which he teaches in both this commentary and more extensively in his Hebrews. I am thankful that I ran across the article about his altered position prior to reading the commentary or I may well have been persuaded. The Trinity is not a doctrine which I have probed deeply and therefore I am more susceptible to error on the finer details of that doctrine than on most others. I see from reading history that in a certain day and age the men of God who are most highly regarded by their contemporaries are rarely the same men whose writings, teachings and influence endure in the generations that follow. I say this in particular with regard to the writings of J. C. Ryle, who references a large number of Anglican clergymen and bishops as illustrations of great teachers and holy men whose names I have never heard. Again, most of the great Puritans are unknown to this day and age. I find it particularly interesting that Ryle never mentions Charles Spurgeon. Spurgeon mentions Ryle in one place that I have found, but I have not seen Ryle make reference to Spurgeon. But I suppose that even for so excellent an example as Spurgeon it is unwise to illustrate biblical truth with the lives of those who have yet to run their course. Spurgeon is a safe example now, but Ryle may have been correct in refraining from using him when his ministry and life were not yet fully tested. This thesis is even better supported by the life of Jonathan Edwards. There were dozens of New England clergymen whose writings and preaching were preferred to Edwards' during his life, but who could have predicted the great impact he would have after his death? A recent survey of the 'Top 50 Most Influential Churches in America' listed a number of well-known congregations and pastors. T. D. Jakes was #1 along with (I think) Joel Osteen at #2. I may have the name wrong, but it seems right. (Last year the powerhouse evangelists Rick Warren and Bill Hybels ranked in at 1 & 2 -- note: read sarcastically). But for both years there has been a surprising omission. John MacArthur.

From my persepective there is no teacher/preacher/evangelist living today who is bound to leave a stronger legacy than this man. I fully expect that his influence will outshine Billy Graham in the generations to come. Why? Because his is not a ministry of feel-good-fluff (*cough* Osteen) or mega-evangelism. He hasn't focused on trying to build a big church or sell books. He's focused on the Word of God. Period. And that is the sort of ministry that I believe God truly honors. The kind of ministry that will endure. Why do we remember men like Luther and Augustine and Spurgeon and Lloyd-Jones? Because each and every one of them taught the word of God--their first and only allegiance was to their Lord and His infallible word. Each one of them faced conflict, opposition and persecution--and each one of them met it with the word of God. No more, no less. No fanciful theological speculations, no appeal to current scholarship and human reason--just God's word and nothing else. And if any man can lay claim to that distinction in our generation, that man is John MacArthur. His commentaries on the New Testament are by far the best I've seen anywhere. Spurgeon stated on more than one occassion that the one set of books that he considered utterly indispensible (out of the 10,000 he owned) was his set of Calvin's commentaries. I expect that through the course of my ministry I will come to feel the same about MacArthur's commentaries. They are rich with text-focused, Christ-centered, God-honoring exegesis. Though at some points his personal bias shows through (particularly with regard to baptism, cf. Rom. 6 and dispensationalism, cf. Rom. 9-11) I cannot doubt his expertise in the art of interpretation and exposition. Will his books endure? I have no doubt that they will. If they do not, then something is terribly terribly wrong with modern evangelicalism. His books, more than any other contemporary writer, reflect the simple Bible-based Christianity of the Reformers, Puritans, Apostles and the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. Those who criticize him and claim that he teaches a 'new gospel of works' have apparently never read Augustine, Luther, Calvin, Spurgeon, Ryle, Edwards, Owen and very possibly even the gospels and epistles of which the New Testament itself consists. His is no 'new gospel'--it IS the gospel. God will show who is His. May He see fit to raise up many more bold and faithful men in the same spirit as John MacArthur.

J. C. Ryle, Sanctification & Sexual Sin

2006-02-14T16:20:00.000-08:00

Today I finished reading 'Holiness.' It definitely has earned a place in my favorite books list. Ryle finished strong, just as he started. I like that about him. He can keep my interest for 400 pages and still leave me wanting more when he's finished. Thankfully, there are 2 other volumes of his practical divinity which I have yet to read--'Old Paths' (which deals with the doctrines of salvation) & 'Knots Untied' (which deals with other theological and doctrinal questions). I look forward to reading his treatise on baptism and the Lord's supper. I do enjoy his writings. He is, without a doubt, one of the most excellent authors of divinity that I have ever found. His writings are as bread to my soul and water to my spirit, not because of their great literary excellence, but because of the excellence of the subject they treat--the Lord Christ Jesus and the holy Word of God. If more authors wrote as Ryle did in this day and age, I have no doubt that Christianity in America would be a very different thing that it is.

I read 1 Thessalonians today and my memory verse was 4:3, 4--'This is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.' There are few passages more needful for this day and age, particularly for a young man such as myself. Sexual temptation is everywhere and it seems near impossible to guard oneself from exposure to it. Yet I hope and pray that by the grace that is given me in Jesus Christ my Lord I will be strenthened and emboldened to overcome. I hope always and only to walk according to His will, in the love of His name, in the hope of His Spirit. So many young people--I remember especially at Harding how common a question this was--seek the will of God as if it were some intangible, miraculously-imparted, mystical, unknowable thing. So many seem to believe that they must have God's will revealed to them in a dream or otherwise recieve it from the lips of a prophet--or at the very least have some strong impression made upon their heart that a certain way is the right way. And yet what does God tell us His will is? How simple His will is for us and yet how profound! We could learn the roots of it in a day and yet in a lifetime we cannot bear it out or discover the fullness of its depth. God's will for us, according to my passage this morning, is our sanctification. That is, our holiness. And particularly, in this place, with regard to sexual sin.

So many young men and women seek God's will concerning their future spouse, yet they are bound up in sexual sin with those they would seek to marry. Will God bless such a union? Could He? Why should we expect Him to reveal His SPECIFIC will to us if we are not living up to His GENERAL will as revealed in scripture? What is the center of the will of God? That is, where must we begin if we are to follow His will? It is stated plainly in the 6th of John, verse 40--'This is the will of my Father, that everyone who looks on the Son and believes in him should have eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day.' What is the will of God for us? That we should believe on Christ!! That we should be given eternal life through His blood!! And that we should be raised up on the last day to life and joy eternal with Him in Heaven! Ah, the blessedness and perfection of the will of God. I rest my soul in this--that Jesus Christ has come to seek and save that which was lost. And such was I when He found me. And such are all of His sheep who have not yet been brought into the fold. And yet we have this promise in the 10th of John, 'My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand' (27, 28). We are secure in the hand of our Great Shepherd. And yet here we come into contact with the 1 Thessalonians passage, for the will of God is not only for our justification and our glorification, but also for our sanctification. We cannot be saved from the guilt of sin unless we are likewise saved from the power of sin. The practice must be remitted as well as the penalty, or else there is no remission of sins.

Therefore the will of God is not only that we should have eternal life in His Son Jesus Christ, but that we should be HOLY in that abundance of life which is given to us through Him. For this reason I desire to strive (even to the point of shedding my blood) against that sin which constantly seeks to cause me to stumble in the Way and to ensnare me in its decietfulness. Satan would put out my eyes and have me go back to a life of blindness, but I will not, I cannot. I guard nothing more closely, hold nothing more precious than my spiritual sight--the healing of my eyes which the Holy Spirit wrought in me when first I looked upon my Savior crucified and risen. And yet the sorrow of my new-found sight is this--that now I am made to see my sin. My eyes are opened to see my own corruption, depravity and sickness. Desperately and hoplessly sick my heart is. Oh Great Physician, heal me! I long, how I long, for that day when I shall at last be free from the remnants of this wretched sin that dwells still in me. Certainly, I am not subject to this sin, and yet it is given freedom to torment, tempt and try me. And it is incessant in its exercise of that freedom. It reminds me always of my fallenness, the fitness I have for Hell, and the great debt I owe to the One by whose blood I am freed from this awful end. I confess that I have often thought of fulfilling Christ's words in the Sermon on the Mount quite literally--that is, of plucking out my own eyes and cutting off my own members. And yet how then would I read His word, which is more precious to me than all the treasures of the world? How would I serve His people, for whom He died and of whom I am a part? This word of His is therefore perplexing to me. It is difficult and I often feel that I cannot accept it. And yet it stands. All my railings against it would be to no avail, for how shall a man endeavor to overturn the sovereign decree of God? By what power should I hope to undo a single letter of His word? But I am brought low by this, I am undone. His word stands and I must obey it. And yet how shall I obey if I do not understand? Or is it merely that I have failed to interpret as I ought, seeing that this is a difficult saying, one of which it might well be said, 'When many of his disciples heard it, they said, "This is a hard saying; who can listen to it?"... [And] after this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him' (Jn. 6:60, 66).

Though I have no inclination to turn away from Him, I am remiss if I should fail to please my Master by a resistance to His plainly-spoken word. And yet, in the end, 'This is the will of God, [my] sanctification: that [I] abstain from sexual immorality.' Oh Lord, give me strength of Spirit, faith in You, and love for Christ sufficient to attain this great end. I cannot accomplish it in my own strength. Indeed, whenever I think I stand, then I fall. It is not a mere proverb, but a prophecy, for its truth is borne out again and again in my life. The way is narrow indeed and if I do not slip off the one side I tend to tumble down the other. Help me in my weakness. Strengthen my legs, that I may stand. And above all keep me humble. It is only when I am looking Christward that I am made able to stand, for 'Apart from [Him] I can do nothing' and yet 'whoever abides in Him and He in them, he it is that bears much fruit' (Jn. 15:5).

An Illustration of Sin & Its Remedy

2006-02-10T21:56:00.000-08:00

Sin is a disease. It infects the whole of humanity. It was contracted by our first parents, Adam & Eve, and is passed on from generation to generation. All are infected and all must die, for sin is a terminal disease. None are immune to it. It cause blindness, deafness, weakness, corruption and ultimately death. It causes the heart to be like a stone and the blood to be like venom--poisonous through and through. Its symptoms include pride, hatred, lust, greed, lying, murder, adultery, theft, covetousness and all manner of sexual sin. And these are but a few of the many symptoms of the disease called sin. There is but one cure. It does not consist in mere outward medication, but in major restorative surgery.

First of all, a full blood transfusion is needed. 'Truly, truly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you. Whoever feeds on my flesh and drinks my blood has eternal life, and I will raise him up on the last day' (Jn. 6:53-54). The blood of the one infected with sin is tainted and poisonous and vile and not a drop may remain if the patient is to be saved. Just as a single drop of poison will ruin a large pool of water, so also will the slightest amount of human merit ruin the saving work of Christ. It must be all or it will be nothing. This blood transfusion must come from an untainted source. Only one such source exists--it is the blood of the righteous Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. From Him we must recieve a full transfusion of righteous blood--it must cover our whole being and become our only hope and source of strength if we shall expect it to take effect. The old blood, tainted by sin, must be rejected and the new blood must be given to us that we might be free of the venom of sin and live.

But this is not all, we also must recieve a heart transplant if we are to be saved from this fatal disease. Our hearts, hardened and weakened and poisoned by sin, are 'deceitful above all things and desperately sick' (Jer. 17:9). We need a new heart. Mere by-pass surgery will not suffice. Our hearts are 'desperately sick' and only a brand new heart will enable us to live. Without a new heart there is no hope for the sin-infected soul. Yet the Great Surgeon has given us this promise: 'I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh' (Ezek. 36:26). This is an operation far beyond our means. We cannot perform this great spiritual surgery upon ourselves, but it must be done by the Holy Spirit who enters into our hearts, first convicting us of sin and then creating in us a 'heart of flesh'--a new heart, cleansed of sin, filled with love for God and Christ and a longing to be with Him whose blood was shed to give us life.

This is the great disease which plagues mankind. By it all die. Whatever other means we may attribute to death, sin is the true disease and the one great need of every child of Adam, for 'sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all men, because all sinned' (Rom. 5:12). And again, 'the wages of sin is death' (Rom. 6:23). Sin is the ultimate cause of death. Not only of natural death, but of spiritual death--the condemnation of the infected to unending torment in the fires of Hell. Through sin corruption, decay and death entered into the world and it is only through the blood of Jesus Christ that we can be freed from this terrible disease and its great consequences. And this freedom, this salvation, is offered freely by the Great Physician. 'The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord' (Rom. 6:23). 'Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son' (Jn. 3:18).

And what is it to believe in Him? It is not merely to believe the facts about Him (though that is a part), but to believe and trust that the death He suffered and the blood He shed is sufficient to pay the price of all your sin and to reconcile you to God. To believe in Him is to throw your guilt upon Him and trust that the payment He rendered to God on the cross is enough to cover your sins and to free you from condemnation and judgment. It is in this way that faith takes hold of Christ, resulting in the salvation of the one who believes. Take hold on Christ today. Look at Him hanging upon the tree. See the holes in His hands where the nails were driven, the scars on His brow where the thorns were pressed, the wound in His side where the spear was thrust. Hear Him cry out 'My God, My God! Why have You forsaken Me?' And hear His gentle plea, 'Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls' (Matt. 11:28-29). See and believe! Come and be saved! Why will you wait? He is ready and willing to save you--to cure you of this terrible disease of sin. Come and find rest for your soul.

A Spiritual Autobiography

2006-02-09T11:48:00.000-08:00

I wrote this on August 1, 2005. It is my reminder. A record of my spiritual development and the events that led up to what I am still convinced was the hour of my salvation.

There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Immanuel's veins.
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.
The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day.
And there may I, though vile as he, wash all my sins away.
Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose it's power
'Til all the ransomed church of God be saved to sin no more.
E're since by faith I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme and shall be 'til I die.
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave,
Then with a nobler, sweeter song I'll sing Thy power to save.

William Cowper

Childhood - 'Innocence'

I was born into a minister's family. I was raised in the Church of Christ (southern branch, non-instrumental). The doctrines we were taught growing up (in the Sunday school years) were basically these: baptism by immersion 'for the forgiveness of sins', the necessity of obedience to the moral law for salvation, the ever-present possibility of being eternally lost due to slipping up to the point where God can't forgive you anymore, and the importance of believing the Bible--all of the Bible, not just some parts of it. My family members are all very good singers (I'm the worst of the bunch, I'm afraid) and greatly encouraged singing talent. At a very young age I started trying to sing deep bass parts (probably to the amusement of others) because my dad admired the low bass voices in the singing groups he liked and I wanted him to admire me too. So during this period of my life my religious experience was limited to being taught and re-taught the above doctrines, learning the basic stories of scripture and trying to sing bass with my alto-ish voice. Private devotion--prayer and personal Bible study--was virtually unknown to me and only occured on a sporadic, interest-based timetable. Near the end of this period my first 'major' struggle with sin began. It started slowly, like a snowball rolling down a mountain, but quickly grew in size and became nearly impossible to manage by the end of my teenage years.

Teenage Years - Hypocrisy

By the time I was entering into 8th grade I had become a first-class Pharisee. We had just moved to Texas and for the first time I had an opportunity to really show my hypocrisy. I met a fellow named Sam who was a non-Christian and held very liberal political views. We would argue politics over the lunchtable (and other places as well). Over time Sam and I became good friends and I tried to influence him toward Christianity. Being something of a socialite (and possibly due to my utter lack of understanding at the time) he joined the church with the most active youth group. He was an on-again, off-again 'Christian' who would be railing against the faith one week and spouting religious babble the next. The extent of my attempted 'evangelism' was to try and ween him from his secular music onto Christian music that sounded the same, but with clean lyrics and to remind him constantly not to cuss. We became debate partners in high school and (as always will happen in circumstances of friendship with the world) I began to be more influenced by him than he was by me.

My sophomore year of high school a certain travelling evangelist came to our church (9th & Elm Church of Christ in Orange, TX) from the Whitesferry Road (I think that's right) Church somewhere in Louisiana. Well, he made quite an impression on me. On the whole congregation, actually. There was an invitation ('altar call') and about half the church ended up going forward. I didn't actually say what I should have said at that point (that is, confess my sin), but I did confess that my religion was at a low ebb and that I needed to recommit myself to God. (It might be well noted that this event also seemed to be the impetus for the changing of many of my father's views, which bore much better fruit than my own 'reformation'). After this service I got to talking with a friend of mine (Wes Landers) and then a bit later still my father. I soon concluded that I needed to be rebaptized, since I knew that my first baptism at age 12 had been something of a sham (I was jealous because I didn't get to eat the crackers and drink the grape juice in church like the adults). So I was. My parents, Wes and my sister were there. Beth was also baptized that same day. This marked the beginning of what I now look upon as my 'spiritual' period. I became quite zealous for Christian things and threw away a bunch of secular CDs and other such things. I tried to encourage Sam to do the same. I eventually became the 'president' of our high school Christian club, Mustangs for the Master. In connection with this I planned and carried out a couple of Christian-oriented events (See You At the Pole, a True Love Waits rally, etc.). This whole time I was continuing my 'struggle' with sin (which wasn't really a struggle at all, because I had no hatred of my sin and saw no real inconsistancy between my sin and my religion... it wasn't that I really tried to justify it, just that I never really thought about it as wrong).

This period (in my reckoning) ended when my father was unjustly fired from the church we were serving there. I won't go into much detail, but it involved malicious gossip, outright lies, injured egos, power-hungry elders, blackmail and contract violations. To the best of my knowledge, there was not a single true allegation stated as the reason for his dismissal--it was all a big, fat lie.

The Year in Louisiana - Sin, Depression & Decision

My father finally found a position at a church in Luling, LA (just outside New Orleans). Even though I tried to be strong for my family (my father, in particular, was very hurt by the events that took place in Texas), I was sinking into a rather severe depression. I didn't recognize it as such at first, but it was a combination of a number of factors--the terrible circumstances of our move away from Orange, the loss of all my friends (especially Sam) right before my senior year of high school, the torment I endured daily from the kids at my new high school, and the steady escalation of my sinful behavior and addiction thereto. In all reality, the latter of these was likely the source of the continuation of my depression, but I could not see it as such at the time. I was bitter, angry, frustrated, hurt and hiding everything from my family.

That summer I attended an 'Honor's Symposium' at Harding University. It was here that I met Wyle Fox and decided once and for all to go into the ministry. It might be well to keep in mind that I made this decision in the midst of a deep depression while living in blatant disregard for the commands of God and with no genuine love for Christ in my heart. In fact, I rarely if ever gave thought to the things of religion anymore. Sin was my passion and my everything--either active sin or meditative sin (self-hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.). It wasn't long after the Symposium and the start of the school year at Hahnville that I was introduced to Leah Taylor of Duluth, Minnesota. I was spending a lot of time in an internet chat room called 'Christian Help' and on AIM. I still enjoyed conversing with Christians and considered myself a faithful believer. In fact, I fit right in because most of them were just as worldly as I was at the time. Anyway, it was one of these places that I met Christina Mann, a gal from Oklahoma without much in the way of online conversation skills. I was (wrongly) unloading my frustrations onto her through the keyboard one afternoon when she referred me to her friend who "was better at this sort of thing." That friend was Leah. I quickly became enamored with the sweet, witty, quirky girl from Minnesota and a few months later we met for the first time. This was the beginning of a 5-year, long-distance romance that would result in our marriage. Leah was raised in a Lutheran church just down the street from her parents' home, so right away we had some doctrinal problems to work through, particularly on the issue of baptism (which, if you'll remember, was the sum and whole of my recieved faith).

The College Years - Liberalism

After just one year I headed off to college. I roomed with Wyle and had quite an interesting time. My battle with sin continued, but I quickly seared my conscience even further by falling under the tutelage of Dr. John Fortner, a professor of Old Testament & Hebrew (it should be noted that he reads something like 30 dead languages). Intrigued by his compelling personality, forceful speech, superior learning and ability to make the text 'come alive,' I was an easy victim. Fortner is a closet liberal. He won't admit it because he can't see it, but he is. He was trained at a Jewish institution and takes a very Jewish approach to the Old Testament. As a result, I cannot help but think of the analogy of the blind leading the blind into a pit. His driving question was this--How can God allow so much pain and suffering in the world? His answer was basically the same as the heretic Cushner's--God isn't omnipotent, isn't omniscient and Man is not depraved (but rather has a neutral moral nature). Fortner is a brilliant intellect and, in my opinion, his teaching represents the Arminian views of the churches of Christ taken to their logical conclusions. He has dethroned God and enthroned Man in His place. In his drive to answer this question, Dr. Fortner led many of the students into his brand of neo-orthodoxy (aka. closet liberalism). He would affirm the great tenants of the Christian faith with one hand while denying them with the other. Yet he was at least wise enough never to state his most controversial views plainly. When asked bluntly about the existance of Satan or Hell, the omnipotence or omniscience of God, he would generally reply that he could not comment on that--which, of course, allowed the students to know his view without his being in danger of reprimand because of it. When you have such a compelling and respected teacher as Dr. Fortner, a suggestion is often enough to convince his admirers. It was enough to convince us. With regard to the outworkings of this type of thinking in everyday life, here are a few examples. I was one of the leaders of a Wednesday evening Bible study. What did we study? We studied women's role in the church, the allowability of drinking, the currency of miraculous gifts, the significance of baptism and other such inane and worthless topics. After 3 years of ministerial training, a friend asked me 'Why did Jesus have to die? Couldn't there have been another way?' I had no answer. I contrived (attempted to, anyway) some elaborate philosophical answer to the question which he continually poked holes in (not because he was argumentative, but because he genuinely wanted to understand). In preaching class, I preached a sermon on the problem of evil (having been influenced by Dr. Fortner) in which I attempted to present Fortner's view on this subject. My brief comments at the end concerning the Christian's ultimate freedom from such things seemed terribly misplaced and disconnected from the rest of the discourse. What I had just attempted to teach those people was not faith in Christ or in the providence of God, but to accept that these things were far beyond their comprehension and that they shouldn't even bother to think about them.

Young Adulthood – The Pursuit of God

The last semester of my college career I took two classes which worked together to undo much of what Fortner had established. The first, a class on Christian Ministry, unravelled one of Fortner's most troubling doctrines--the non-existance of Satan--with a single quote from Ephesians 6. One thing Fortner did not take away from me was my belief in the inspiration and inerrancy of Scripture. One word from Paul was enough to overthrow Fortner's years of instruction. I praise God that He saw fit to preserve this seed of faith in me, that I might not be so blind as to turn away from Him entirely. The other class, my one and only theology class, quickly established two precepts that further undid Fortner's work: the deity of Christ and the perfection of God. Fortner claimed that the Bible never teaches that God is all-powerful. Yet here in my systematic theology was a list of references attesting to that very thing. Fortner had said that the Old Testament was not primarily concerned with Jesus, but here I am shown indisputably that Jesus is God and that the whole purpose of Creation, the promises to Abraham, the Law, the prophets, the incarnation, the atonement, the resurrection--EVERYTHING--centers on Christ. Fortner was undone, but not entirely. It would be another year and a half before the last bastion of his teachings would fall before the almighty truth of God's word.

I graduated from college and moved to Minnesota with intentions of marrying Leah, my long-time girlfriend. I had asked my 5 closest friends from college to be my groomsmen and, apparently, in Minnesota weddings are a lot different from where I come from. One difference (or at least, one aspect that I wasn’t aware of) was the giving of a ‘groomsman’s gift.’ I was expected to give something to each of my attendants. So I did. Given my recently renewed interest in the Christian faith (including my first serious, blood & guts attempt to free myself from the sin in which I had so long indulged), I purchased a selection of hardback Christian books to give to my groomsmen. Among them were many that I now consider nearly worthless, including Rick Warren’s ‘The Purpose-Driven Life,’ a book by John Eldredge, and another by Philip Yancey. You can see that I didn’t shop too hard, but then I had virtually no knowledge of Christian literature and honestly didn’t know where to begin looking. I’d already purchased a gift for my best man (a He-Man toy he wanted), but it seemed little compared to the books I got for the others, so I found a nice hardback book for him too (less expensive, but still nice). It was ‘The Pursuit of God’ by A. W. Tozer. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t give my friends junk, so I perused each of the books before writing a few personal comments and wrapping them up. It was on a day in June, in the second-floor apartment which was to be my first home with my wife, sitting on a mattress on the floor in our tiny bedroom where I first opened Tozer’s book. By the time I finished the first chapter I realized that something was terribly, awfully wrong with my so-called ‘faith.’ Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere, I had developed an unquenchable thirst for God. I think it took me about 3 months to read the Bible through cover-to-cover. Soon after this awakening to my spiritual need Leah and I were wed. I was still unemployed.

I began an urgent, fervent, unceasing search for God—for a deeper spirituality. The first place I turned was to scripture (as stated above). The next place I turned was to Tozer. I own over 30 of his books, all of them purchased during this half-year period. Under Tozer’s guidance, the next place I turned was to the charismatic movement. I inquired diligently concerning the Holy Spirit, the gifts of the Spirit and their manifestations in this present day. I had always been dissatisfied with the anti-charismatic views of the Churches of Christ. I met with a kind and godly man, Pastor Paul Anderson of the Central Assembly of God in Superior, WI, and he explained clearly and without any guile the views of the pentecostal churches on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. After a long and serious study of scripture I found that I could not be in accord with their view of tongues as a sign of receiving the Holy Spirit. Of particular importance were the passage from Joel quoted in Peter’s Pentecost sermon which says nothing of tongues, but rather of prophecy and Paul’s plain statement that not all speak in tongues. It also seemed reasonable to me that if the tongues as a sign were so important as a sign they would have been mentioned elsewhere than in Acts. I did not, however, entirely disagree with him on the concept of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I concluded that what they called ‘baptism’ was really being ‘filled with the Holy Spirit’ and as such was available to all who asked God in faith. I often spent an hour or more a day flat on my face, crying out to God with all sincerity to fill me with His Spirit. I figured that if the tongues were a genuine sign that I would receive them, but if they weren’t I would not. I did believe, however, that I would know with utmost certainty when I had been filled. I expected God to answer my prayer, but still entertained many doubts due to the great delay in His condescending to thus fill me. He would answer, but not in the way I expected. How wonderful it is that God answers our prayers in ways beyond what we could ever ask for or even imagine! Truly He did just that for me.

During this time Leah was becoming increasingly frustrated with me. She worked full time and I couldn’t even keep up with the housework. Part of this was due to my ardent pursuit after God and the baptism of the Holy Spirit, but a greater part was due to my continuing struggle with sin. I was winning more victories than ever before in my life, but no more from one week than to the next. I was only triumphing over sin when I was distracted enough not to think about it or felt so guilty that I couldn’t bring myself to do it. At this time laziness, which was formerly only a corollary sin to the others I struggled with, came more to the forefront. With great responsibility upon me to keep up the house it was far easier to see how little I actually did. After a while I got a few odd jobs through Manpower and later a steadier job at Midwest Medical up by the airport. I would be there for just under a year. Leah was frustrated with me and I was frustrated with myself. I was getting depressed again—due to my sin, my failure to receive anything from God, and my inability to find gainful employment. After about 4 months of marriage Leah encouraged (forced) me to respond to an exceedingly vague advertisement in the local paper which read ‘Cruch Minister Wanted’ and had a phone number to call. So I called. It was a Christian Church in Tamarack, WI, just about an hour outside of Duluth. (The Christian Church is a sister to the Churches of Christ, the fellowship I was raised in and trained to preach for. They are relatively rare in the northern US, so this was quite a shocking development). I called them and set up an interview and such. Things looked so incredibly promising. They didn’t have any other prospects and though I wasn’t a great preacher, I wasn’t poor either. My debate years had trained me fairly well in the art of public speaking. I thought it was a sure deal. Then I got the letter telling me that a fellow they had previously extended the pastorate to had called them back and accepted. (He had turned them down half a year ago and called in the week between my interview and their decision). I was crushed. I really believed this had been God’s will for me—His hand at work in my life. The salary offered there was $20,000—more than enough to help Leah and I get on our feet financially—and I was going to be allowed to work out of my home.

A few weeks later I got a phone call from an older gentleman (Bill Irwin) in Trego, Wisconsin asking if I would meet with two of the members of their church to discuss my preaching for them there. We met, I preached, they offered, I accepted. The salary was less than half what the other place offered, the membership a third the size, the average age probably twice as much, and the weekly drive 20 minutes longer. But THIS was God’s will for me. This was where He was directing me and I glory in His perfect plan.

Beginning Again – The New Birth

I began preaching for Northwoods Christian Church in November of 2003. My first sermon series was on the attributes of God. This is what I had learned thus far and was actually almost the full extent of my understanding, but I cannot say that it was a bad place to begin building. A right understanding of the nature of God has likely kept me from many errors and foolish musings in my ministry and doctrine. But it was after I began preaching that I really began conversing on spiritual topics with my father-in-law Ken. He would go with me to the Wednesday evening Bible studies in Trego—an hour and 10 minute drive each way. At some point, I don’t recall the details, he was talking about his own experience in breaking free of the legalistic, oneness Pentecostal group. He said that one of the instrumental books in helping him to break out of that church was Martin Luther’s ‘The Bondage of the Will.’ So he loaned me the book and I read it. Now, I found myself agreeing with Luther on just about every point, but was not yet ready to accept his doctrine (as he taught it) since Erasmus’ arguments were so weak. The significance of this book, however, was that it introduced me to Luther—a man whose writings I became very interested in. He wrote, like Tozer, with power and plainness. He was not afraid to call a wart a wart (and often many other names as well). I liked the clarity and force of his writing as well as his constant appeal to the authority of scripture alone rather than to reason, philosophy or psychology. He fought for the plain interpretation of every text rather than for allegorizing and explaining away difficult scriptures. It was in this regard that I later picked up his ‘Commentary on Galatians.’ Up to this point I had continued my seeking after God, but not with the same fervency that I had at first. I was becoming very discouraged. I didn’t understand why God wouldn’t answer my prayers. He did promise to give the Holy Spirit to those who asked and yet I had not received the Spirit (or, at least not in the way I expected to receive Him).

I was reading Luther’s commentary on Galatians in the same place where I had read Tozer those months before. It was somewhere around chapter 3—I believe it was the point at which Paul speaks of Christ being made a curse for us—that the Spirit of God entered into my heart and created me anew in Christ Jesus. I was understanding what Luther was writing concerning justification by grace alone through faith alone in Christ alone, yet my mind and (in particular) my heart still resisted it. But when I saw that Christ was made a curse for me by being hung upon the tree so that I, who was under the curse of the Law on account of my great sin, might be free from the guilt of sin, I no longer resisted the word of the Lord and it was at that moment that God’s Spirit moved within me to regenerate me and make me a new creation in Christ. It was when I saw Christ, hanging upon the cross, His blood poured out on account of my wickedness, and when I heard Him say within my heart, ‘as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life’ (John 3:14, 15)—it was then that my soul was raised to heights of joy unspeakable, of peace that passes all understanding, of love that surpasses knowledge. I knew in that moment that I could not be condemned, for Christ had died for me! No guilt lay upon me, no death awaited me, no power in heaven or earth could overthrow me, for Christ was my Savior and He had borne my shame. He had become a curse on my behalf. Even now my eyes fill with tears as I remember that great day. At first I thought that I had merely received new knowledge—a great level of understanding—but later I would read those words ‘Unless a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God’ (John 3:3) and I would see clearly. It was not merely a greater knowledge that I received that day, but the infilling and indwelling of the precious Holy Spirit who worked within me that great act of creation which only God Himself can perform. He opened my blind eyes to see Christ lifted up upon the tree. He turned the focus of my faith from my own experience to the Lamb who died to set me free. He showed me that true Christianity—that brand of Christianity which is genuine and saves the souls of men—is not in religion, but in Christ; not in my mouth (that is, in my words), but in my heart (in the work of regeneration wrought by the Spirit); not in what I have done, but in what Christ has done. ‘It depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy’ (Romans 9:16).

Since that time—since that day—I have not been the same person I once was. My whole outlook has changed. My doctrine has changed—I cannot now believe many of those things I once freely accepted. My practice has changed—I am no longer enslaved to sin and the flesh, but am free in Christ Jesus my Lord to submit myself unto righteousness. My teaching has changed—where once I spoke only of precise doctrine and right practice, now I speak much of Christ (as the fountain from which all truth flows) and the new birth (as the root of salvation from which good works are produced and maintained). I have been born again. I dare not say more, for who can speak of so great and so awesome a truth as this? ‘If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come’ (2 Corinthians 5:17).